Baby Zoe written by Trish Boncek-Hafford-Say No to Amnios
Here is the size of my angel Zoe Grace at four months in the womb. She was healthy and strong but grew no more since August 23, 2006 the day I had my amniocentesis done. If together we can save precious lives by sharing “My Zoe” @ the size she was when I was four months pregnant then my heart will continue to heal, knowing Zoe Grace can be instrumental in saving all these precious little lives. Your baby loves you unconditionally and accepts all your love. They are tiny angels waiting to be loved!!!!!!
Sept 11 holds lots of reflections and memories for many many people. For the rest of my life I will remember the 11th of September as the day, unbeknownst to me until , this early fall day, my five month old fetus was not alive. She was lying in wait… sleeping like an angel in heaven, nestled “still” in my womb, heart resting, waiting for the doctors to see with their technology that she no longer accepted my nourishment, her little heart no longer beat rhythmically with my pulse. It was a day of remembrance all over the nation and now this day will forever be etched in my mind, my loss, my grief, my little angel.
My mind echoes back to that small room with the ultrasound equipment showing the lack of growth, the stillness of my baby’s heart as the flat line of the monitor alerted the technologist that something was wrong. I also saw the lack of the heartbeat, that flat line on the bottom of the screen. I knew in my heart, when the ultrasound technician left the room quietly to go and fetch the Doctor that things were not good.
I looked up at my husband, tears in my eyes, knowing our baby died, but not daring to speak these thoughts out loud. I waited in anguish for the Dr to come. It was only a few minutes but seemed like forever before the Dr. who read the ultrasound confirmed my fears. Shockingly I was to learn that my baby had not grown since my last ultrasound which was the day I had the amniocentesis procedure done. Just 3 and 1/2 weeks earlier alive and growing my baby lived in me. We went to the beach she and I and her big brother. I would watch the little ones everywhere I went. I would spy on couples with strollers and think… Zoe, that will be us next year. Smiling, absentmindedly patting my tummy I was happy and blissful thinking of my baby girl due early next year.
Now this day the 11th of September I will always remember. I was scheduled to see my OBGYN Dr. after my ultrasound. It was not a happy visit. I was quietly trying not to cry as my husband and I wound our way through the hospital to my next scheduled appointment. Instead of the pregnancy we were discussing our daughter’s death.
My Dr. inserted seaweed of some kind into my cervix to soften it up overnight. I was to be admitted to the “Birthing Pavilion”. It was such a silly thing to have to think about. Going to the BP where such joyous happenings occurred every day. But I was going to the Birthing Pavilion to say hello and goodbye all in one breathe to my baby who I barely knew.She was an angel sent to us but taken so quickly it felt as if my heart dropped right out of my body leaving a big empty hole.
I was to deliver my baby just as if she would live. She was tiny so very tiny with perfect little features. I counted her ten little fingers and 10 little toes. Little arms that crossed protectively around her body and I noted with a smile that she had the square of her fathers chin. She fit into the palm of my hand, tiny but perfect. An angel,waiting for her mother to hold her.
I wrapped her in a cotton diaper cloth which I graced with Burberry perfume (every girl needs a little dab of perfume) and held her tiny body as if she was sleeping wrapped in a receiving blanket. I didn’t feel peace I just felt empty with so much pain in my heart. I had to stop crying and be strong because my husband and our son were coming and we were to have the baby blessed. I asked for a baptism but because she did not live the priest told us he would bless her. She did not live so she had no sins therefore was no need for baptism. She’s a little perfect angel in heaven. With the help of prayer and knowing that someday I will hold Zoe Grace in my arms, her memory stays etched in my heart.
Even though the Dr. said that they can’t be certain that the amniocentesis caused Zoe’s death the doctors confirmed that she never grew since the ultrasound which was done during the amnio. My baby did not have any problems that they look for in the amnio testing… everything came back negative. At my age of 42 they suggest the amnio… Today I say just don’t do it.
Heaven’s Children
I’ve a vision of weeping children
Hand in hand with Jesus’ mother
They beckon us to take control
Please don’t destroy another
Innocence in these translucent faces
His love surrounds their hearts
These battlefields within the womb
Must stop before we’re lost
Oh, Mothers please do treasure life
Our wombs are much more fitting
To be a loved and sacred place
Not a tomb for random killing
Don’t reject God’s gift of life
Please don’t reject his heart
He himself chose Mary’s womb
To give His son His start
Dear children holding hands in Heaven
Their love is oh so much
Holding out their precious palms
Awaiting mother’s gentle touch
Right to Life
What right is it of anyone’s
to take a precious life
Who are they to take a soul
before it’s had its time
While God is crying tears of rain
there seems to be another
Who doesn’t think that right to life
should betray the choice of mother
Do they not know, the tears that’s shed
the anguish in His heart
To be so cruel, not care for life
and tear it all apart
They know not what they’re doing
or surely they would see
This precious life is more than just
a mother’s destiny
So in our daily prayers lets ask
for God’s forgiven hand
To open up their hearts to life
please help them understand.
Written by: Trish Boncek-Hafford…..e-mail-mothersdestiny@aol.com
Trish my angel friend thank you for sharing your very touching and powerful story and little Zoe is a precious little angel from heaven helping God save the unborn and notice in the picture Zoe has her little hands praying.This picture says a thousand words and speaks out to the world to PRAY.Pray for the unborn and our precious children on earth who are soooooo LOVED by Jesus and need to be LOVED by their mommies and daddy’s and LOVED by everyone.
Trish, I just wanted to say that I am very sorry about Zoe Grace..I also lost a daughter at 5 months and I know what it’s like..I am very sorry and your angel is beautiful…good luck and I will pray for your grievin…
Brooke Smith
Hi i saw these pictures and thought of my little girld Abby who i lost at 14 weeks on the 16th of october. She looks just the same its scary. I only wish i had photos like this to help me to rember her so clear. Thank you for your wonderfull story, helps me feel like im not alone! thank you!
Hi Brooke and Rebecca,
Thank you for your kind words. It is very difficult to share such a painful story but if I can help just one baby at a time…saving one life at a time then it was worth it to share Zoe. It’s funny because when I went to the hospital i packed my camera but i couldnt take photos. I thought about it but I couldnt bring myself to take any photos in the mist of my grief. When I got home I went through the memory packet they gave me, including the CD with the photos. They also did her footprints in little seashells with plaster. I was so moved and touched by this but it still took me a long time to share her and her story. One day it finally dawned on me that Zoe Grace was sent to me to be an instrument to stop abortions, one life at a time. Thank you so much for visiting Zoe.
trish
I’am 8 weeks pregnant and 37 years old and I was told to have a amniocentesis done but after reading you story it bought a tear to my eyes.. That regardles of how they baby is going to come out it is for you to decide..Thank you and godbless.
I’m so sorry for your lose. I lost a daughter after spending five wonderful days with her. Her name is Madalyn and it wouldnt of changed having her them five days for NOTHING. She was a blessing from god even if it was only for them few precious days. Thank you for telling your story because I at some points and times felt alone. Now I know im not the only one out there hurting. You baby is beautiful, God Bless You and your family.
hi!! i give birth to my first son. on august 24,2010.. i am 21 years old so. i secret my pregnancy and take pils,.. then after 6mos. ilive in my boyfriends house and my parents angry to me. then my first ultrasound is onmy 6thmos im depressed and so confused cause i find out that my baby is not normal when hes i my womb the dr. said that he has a microcephaly. his head is small and so his brain is small too. the dr. said his development is 2mos late!. he live in just 48hours i rememberhis cry when he saw the world you know i cant still cant move on
I am very sorry for your loss. I cant even imagine the feeling you and your husband must have had knowing that your baby girl had left earth. I know God is taking very good care of her for you until you get to meet her in Heaven. I am now 21 weeks and having a girl. Reading your story made me cry the whole time, i didnt think i was going to be able to finish reading it at first. It is a very hard thing to go through, you are a very strong woman for going through such a hard time and coming out strong. God Bless!
im so sorry for your loss i had lost my 19week old baby girl on thanksgiving day 11-24-2010 it was a very sad day for me im still sad me and my husband is still trying to deal with it i was in my country belize central america i went there for my cousin funeral she had died the next day after giving birth to a bouncing baby boy hes healthy and a happy little boy so cute but unfortunately she didnt make it a vein burst in her heart while giving birth and didnt even know it. so it hit me so hard i was stressi
I was really stressing after that happen so i dont know if that was a factor and another thing too i was walking down the stairs and almost slip thats when i start feeling some slight cramps under my stomach and i prayed to god i said please my lord dont let me loose my baby but eventually it happen and we set a burial for her and bury her right beside my cousin it was so hard for me to go back by the gravesite but i had too its hard for me and my husband so i came back to new york with an empty space i fel
Leaving my country without her in my womb was so hard only the good lord know why these things happen to people in this world i cant sit and ask god why only he knows best but may god bless who had lost their precious angels.
Im so sorry for the loss of your perfect little girl. I could not imagine this happening to my son, and I know its very hard for someone to live with something like this, but you and your beautiful family will see her again one day as if she never left. God bless you and your family.
Zoe Grace would have been four years old this month. Life certainly moves on and I miss her so so much but God has a way of healing a broken heart. I have 2 new grandchildren in my life. Cylan is now almost 3 years old and Ava Grace is just over a year old. I am lucky enough to see my grandbabies every week! What a JOY!!!Zoe still has her place on this earth helping to stop abortion and knowing that someday I will rock my sweet angel helps me everyday. For now I love my grandbabies and take comfort in knowing Zoe Grace is helping save lives, one baby at a time…
With Love and Peace to you all. Trish
Im 18 years old and 16 months pregnant. This is my first child and I have been doing research because I am at a high risk pregnancy. Your story touched me so much, I could barely read it through my tears. But God puts every person on earth for a specific reason and I agree with you that your precious child’s purpose was to prevent abortions and save babies lives. What is crazy to me is that my due date is on September 11th and that is why your story touched me so very much. My boyfriend recomended abortion in the beginning but I refused and boy am I glad I did. Thank you so much for sharing your story and from now on any time I hear about someone debating abortion I will have them read your story. GOD BLESS!!!
Congratulations Nikki,
You will be blessed with a beautiful baby and it really warms my heart to know that Zoe will be an instrument to help babies one at a time to prevent abortion. I pray for a healthy baby. Take care and let us know how everything turns out and email me if you need to talk. I cant wait to see photos of your little baby in September!
I just wanted to share… my baby boy went to heaven a week ago today. I was 19 weeks. I got to see him and hold him and the picture here of your baby looks just like he did. I have comfort in knowing he is with the Lord and one day we will meet him.
This story is beautiful and I wish that everyone could read this story or at least hear about it. You baby was a hero and will continue to save the lives of the unborn!
I can feel your pain. I just lost my baby at 13 weeks last week. It was sudden and until now it’s so hard to accept that I wouldn’t see my baby, hug and kiss her/him (I don’t even know if it was a boy or a girl). I have fibroids which was diagnosed about 3 yrs ago. When I found out I was pregnant and I had on/off bleeding I had to rush to my GP. Later after my ultrasound I was told that the fibroids were away from the fetus and it wouldn’t affect my baby. Later into my 3rd month, my bleeding got worse but I was assured by my OB that my baby was ok (as seen from another ultrasound). On the 23rd of July (Sat), I got a high fever and was rushed to the hospital. The next morning (Sun) I had an ultrasound and when the sonographer didn’t say anything I feared the worst. Especially when she told me to wait for the doctor. I knew there was a problem. After several hours, my doctor came and told me the saddest news—there was no fetal heartbeat, my baby is gone. I couldn’t cry, I felt numb. The following hours were gruelling. I was into IV-antibiotics because I had severe infection bec my baby was already dead for a couple of days. On Monday, 25th, I had to be given medications (suppositories) to induce labor. I labored for a couple of hours and my baby came out. I held him/her on my palm. It was like a bad dream. Everything seemed too quick to understand. I had a D&C on Friday as I still was having bloody and tissue discharge. It was a vry painful process but what is more painful is the thought of my baby is dead. I miss my Angel so much. My Angel was with me for just 3 months but it felt like 30 years. You will remain in my heart forever my baby, my angel. Mommy loves you so much.
To all the mothers/fathers who have lost an angel, I can feel how you are feeling. Time may pass but nothing can erase or replace a part of our lives that has left us too soon.
Hi,you inspired me a lot. I’m 17years old and I am pregnant (5months, 1 week). At this point of time, I still study. I always pray that my baby will be at his best condition until I deliver him.
This story sums up how I felt when my little girl died at just 4 and a half months in the womb on the 10.10.2011 She had everything she needed defined features,fingers and toes all she needed was to grow. I don’t know what went wrong during the pregnancy but it tore my heart in two when I went for a scan and no heartbeat was detected. I was induced and hours later little angel rose was born she is an angel so what better name to name her.It comforts me to know that 1 day I will see her again and nothings going to stand between us on that beautiful day.
I’m so very sorry for the loose of your baby. I am 10 weeks pregnant and I couldn’t bear the thought of loosing my baby. The thought of it just tears at my heart. I can’t imagine the pain you went threw. My mother told me not to get the amniocentesis because it can hurt my baby. And I’m sorry you’ve gone through this tragic loose:[